The Hidden Link Between Sleep Deprivation and Postpartum Depression
If you have been here for a while, you already know one of the biggest reasons I am obsessed with sleep. Sleep deprivation and postpartum depression are deeply and painfully connected.1 We paint motherhood as a magical and joy-filled chapter, yet we drop women into it with almost no sleep, very little support, and the expectation that they will keep a tiny human alive while functioning at their absolute worst.
We are setting mums up to fail, and we call it normal.
It is not normal. It is not okay.
How a TV Storyline Highlighted a Real Postpartum Struggle
What Zoey’s Extraordinary Playlist Got Right About New Motherhood
Recently, I binged Zoey’s Extraordinary Playlist on Netflix. It is a fun show, but one storyline in season two absolutely took hold of me. Emily, Zoey’s sister-in-law, goes from excited first-time mum to quietly falling apart. Her baby does not sleep. She does not sleep. Her confidence collapses. She makes a comment about being used to crushing it, but feeling like the baby is crushing her.
I think every mother has felt that line in her bones.
There are scenes where Emily has clearly been up all night. She is asking why her baby waits until morning to finally fall asleep. She is exhausted, disconnected, and slipping deeper into a darkness that no one around her can quite see.
The Moment That Struck Me
The only reason anyone even notices is because Zoey has a superpower that lets her hear Emily’s internal song. Emily is crying out the words, “Nobody is listening to me.” (singing “Anyone” by Demi Lovato).
That moment hit me hard. In real life, no one has a superpower to hear the silent screams of a struggling mum. Sleep deprivation is brushed off as “just part of motherhood,” and because of that, many cases of postpartum depression are missed until they reach crisis level.
Emily needed professional help.
That part is true.
But she also desperately needed sleep.
My Own Postpartum Experience With Sleep Deprivation
When My Husband Realised Something Was Wrong
My husband noticed early that something was not right. I was pushing him away. I was not connecting with my baby. Instead of asking for help, because I was used to being capable in every part of my life, I shut down. I felt like a failure. I thought I simply needed to try harder.
But the truth was this:
I was severely sleep deprived, and my mind and body were shutting down.
Why Prioritising My Sleep Changed Everything
Before therapy, before medication, before anything else, we prioritised my sleep. Yes, the baby’s sleep was important, but I was the one waking, feeding, carrying, and trying to function. I could not do any of those things if I was running on nothing.
Once my sleep stabilised, everything began to shift.
After that, we worked on baby sleep. And honestly, the common message that sleep training is cruel could not have been further from my experience. It was not abandoning my baby. It was calm, supportive, responsive, and it involved fewer tears than the chaos we had been living in.
The Role of Partners in Postpartum Mental Health
Dads Are Noticing, and It Matters
Lately I have had many dads reach out to me. They are worried. They can see their partners unravel from exhaustion. And I want to say this very clearly. Well done for noticing. Well done for caring. Well done for reaching out for help. That awareness can be the difference between a difficult season and a serious mental health crisis.
If You Are Struggling, You Are Not Alone
A Message to Every Exhausted Mum
Mums, if you are reading this and quietly thinking, “Nobody is listening to me,” then please know this.
I hear you.
I have been you.
There is a way through this.
If your baby is not sleeping, if you feel like you are falling apart, if you are scared of your own thoughts, or if you feel like you cannot keep going like this, please reach out. I can help get your child’s sleep on track. I can also help you and your partner build a plan that supports everyone’s wellbeing.
Sleep Is a Mental Health Intervention
Sleep is not a luxury. It is a mental health intervention.
It is time to stop pretending that mothers are supposed to survive without it.
- Iranpour S, Kheirabadi GR, Esmaillzadeh A, Heidari-Beni M, Maracy MR. Association between sleep quality and postpartum depression. J Res Med Sci. 2016 Nov 7;21:110. doi: 10.4103/1735-1995.193500. PMID: 28250787; PMCID: PMC5322694. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC5322694/ ↩︎
